Naughtyish humour
Lorne checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely, so
he thought I'd get one of those girls you see advertised in phone
booths when you're calling for a cab.
Lorne had grabbed a woman's card when he called a cab to take him from
the airport to the hotel. It was an ad for a girl named Erogonique, a
lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves
in all the right places, beautiful long, wavy hair, long graceful legs
that went all the way up to her firm, shapely butt. So Lorne's in his
room and figures, "What the hell, I'll giver her a call."
"Hello?" the woman says. Gawd, she sounded sexy.
"Hi," Lorne began. "I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you
to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight
with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want
it hard, I want it hot and I want it now! I'm talking kinky the whole
night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys,
everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy
all night - tie me up, wear a strap-on, cover me in chocolate syrup
and whipped cream - anything you want, baby. Now, how does that
sound?"
"That sounds fantastic," she said, "But for an outside line you need
to press 9."
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A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed haircut
before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if
there was a barber on the premises. 'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk
told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending
machine that should serve your purposes.'
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted
£10,and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine
started to buzz and trim.Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his head
and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his
life. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,
'Manicures £15.' 'Why not?' he thought. He paid the money, inserted his
hands in the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen
seconds later He pulled his hands out and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, Machine provides a service men
need when away from Their Wives, £1.
He looked both ways, put £1 in the machine, unzipped his fly and with some anticipation, stuck
his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, he let
out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it
shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his
member....which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.