It the weekend! Some jokes to get you started! (Clean'i

As it is now the week end where I am (Wales) some jokes

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home so, she puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
The boy says "I have a cricket bat."
The man says "That's nice."
The boy says "Want to buy it?"
To which the man says "No, thanks."
Then the boy says "My dad's outside."
The man pauses and says "OK, how much?"
The boy says "£250"

A couple of weeks later it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
The boy says "Dark in here."
The man says "Yes, it is."
The boy says "I some cricket Pads."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
The boy says "£750"
The man says "Sold."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your cricket bat and pads, let's go outside and have a game of catch.

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my cricket bat and my pads."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says "£1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that sh#t again, you're in my closet now."

and here us another that should get a few of you going!

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The
doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a
semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
The old man replied, "Yes. None of us could get the jar open.

Spider1V