What A Coincidence! - Warning a Spider1V Funny.......
What A Coincidence!
A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.
'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile,but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
I'm not even going to comment!
Regards,
Mike
with all thats going on recently.......
:D
Glad to see that you are living up to the comment I made about you in the other topic!
Tee Hee :D
Yes, Yes, Yes! now you are suckin' diesel or in your case Petrol.
Despite the obvious sexism being displayed by both you in posting it and me in replying favourably to it----------- Keep up the good work!
We all ( M & F) had a good laugh at it here in the office, during our break of course.
Regards,
Mike
The second one almost made me fall off my chair! 
Keep them comin'
Brad, a guy on the local beach just couldn't make it
with any of the girls, so he heads over to the lifeguard
tower to see if the lifeguard has any advice for him.
"Dude, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing
them baggy old swimming trunks that make you look
like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best
bet is to grab yourself a pair of Spandex Speedos - about
two sizes too small - and drop a fist-sized potato down
inside 'em. I'm tellin you man...you'll have all the babes
you want!"
The following weekend, Brad hits the beach with his
spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato
and for cryin' out loud! - it's worse than before!
Everybody on the beach acts disgusted as he walks by,
covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking
sick! So Brad goes back to the lifeguard again and asks
him, "What's wrong now?"
"Jeezzzzz!" says the lifeguard.......
"The potato goes in front!!"
I'm crying...
Sad----------------------------So Sad.
But funny, and I used to enjoy my time at the beach.
Regards,
Mike
HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA ahhhh.. hahahahahahahahahaha
The question is:
What Do Retired People Do All Day?
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
So my wife called him a *#@*. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
The question is:
What Do Retired People Do All Day?
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
So my wife called him a *#@*. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
Yup - Like that one! :P :P
Spider1V
Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry funny (better than spiders :!: )
Yep, I like it too.
Had enough of the frogs legs stuff, and had stuffed pork steak for dinner tonight and boy was it finger lickin good!
Regards,
Mike
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OK, OK - How about thsi one?
Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said,
"So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said,
"To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice
things such as distinguishing features and oddities, such as scars and so forth."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture!
It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds,
pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,
"Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face!
Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said,
"This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it,
saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts!
How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."